How to Practice Habit 5: Seek First to Understand then to be Understood
- Step 1: Pay Attention As we’ve highlighted in our previous article on active listening and the LAFF method, focus on listening to exactly what the other person is saying. ...
- Step 2: Repeat and Ask Questions As you listen, repeat their words back to them. ...
- Step 3: Empathise ...
- Step 4: Rephrase Their Content and How They Feel ...
- Step 5: Now Act Based on The Situation ...
Do you seek to understand or to be understood?
It's critical: Seek first to understand, then to be understood. Seeking real understanding affirms the other person and what they have to say. That's what they want. That's what we all want — to be understood, valued and affirmed. What if you seek to understand but others don't?
How do you seek to understand a person or situation?
In order to really seek to understand, you cannot have already judged a person or situation. You need to develop a desire to understand — meaning a desire to see things from others’ point of view,...
Why is it important to seek first to understand others?
Second, when people recognize that you’re genuinely trying to understand them, they’ll be more inclined to trust you and open up further, and your effort will make a big deposit in your Emotional Bank Account. In this way habit 5, seek first to understand, then to be understood, furthers your goals of connecting with others.
What is the key to truly understanding people?
The key to truly understanding people is empathic listening, which is listening with the intent to see their perspective. Empathetic listening is necessary to work on habit 5: seek first to understand, then to be understood.
How do you have a seek to understand a conversation?
Seek first to understand…Make eye contact – good eye contact shows the speaker that you're genuinely interested and engaged.Be present – it is however possible to make eye contact and let your mind wander at the same time. ... Reflect – paraphrase back to the speaker what they've said.More items...•
Why is it important to seek first to understand?
If we seek to understand others first, we're more likely to listen before we speak. When we do that, we can avoid saying things that on reflection we shouldn't have. We also tend to ask more questions, rather than making statements, which keeps us from over-committing and contradicting ourselves.
How do you understand and be understood?
Stephen Covey defines this as the fifth habit in his bestselling book, "7 Habits of Highly Effective People." It's critical: Seek first to understand, then to be understood. Seeking real understanding affirms the other person and what they have to say. That's what they want.
What habit is seek to understand?
Habit 5Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood® is the habit of listening to other people's ideas and feelings. It's trying to see things from their viewpoints. I listen to others without interrupting. It's about being confident in voicing your ideas.
What does Seek first to understand, then to be understood example?
Here is one seek first to understand then to be understood example. Imagine you go to the eye doctor because you're having trouble with your vision. You start to explain your problem to the optometrist, and she quickly takes her own glasses off her face and tells you to try them on.
Who said seek to understand?
Stephen R. CoveyQuote by Stephen R. Covey: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”
How can I improve my ability to understand?
There are a number of thinking moves that are integral to developing understanding:Observing closely and describing what's there.Building explanations and interpretations.Reasoning with evidence.Making Connections.Considering different viewpoints and perspectives.Capturing the heart and forming conclusions.More items...
How do you understand something deeply?
Compare Show how things are alike or not alike Explain Give the meaning of a topic clearly. Relate Show that the ideas are connected to each other. Analyze Examine in detail the elements of a topic and how they relate to each other. Apply Make use of specific knowledge or concepts to solve a problem.
How can I understand clearly?
If you need to better understand something, think about the problem and pinpoint exactly what it is you don't understand. If you know someone who is knowledgeable about the subject, ask them questions that will help you get clarity. You can also read books or look online to learn more about the subject.
How do you listen with intent to understand?
Just drop all intentions of replying at any point in the conversation and only listen, and when those responses pop into your head, ignore them. Then when there is a pause in the conversation, and it makes sense to respond, go with it in real-time.
What are the 6 poor listening skills?
TEN BAD LISTENING HABITSTEN BAD LISTENING HABITS.Calling the Subject Dull.Criticizing the Speaker.Getting Overstimulated.Listening Only For Facts.Trying To Outline Everything.Faking Attention.Tolerating Distraction.More items...
What is habit 6 in the 7 Habits?
Habit 6: SYNERGIZE® To put it simply, synergy means “two heads are better than one.” Synergize is the habit of creative cooperation. It is teamwork, open-mindedness, and the adventure of finding new solutions to old problems.
What means Seek first to understand?
Seek first to understand, then to be understood can be defined as “Having a frame of mind and heart that empathically listens to others first before seeking to be understood in all human interactions.”
Why is understood important?
Feeling understood is a primary foundation of psychological safety and part of what makes it possible for us to learn to modulate our emotional states. Understanding is a basic element of intimate connection. To the extent that we feel accurately and empathically understood, we can trust and feel close to another.
What is the meaning of put first things first?
People who put first things first focus on the important, not just the urgent, act on priorities, plan weekly and act daily. You are putting first things first when you organize your time around the most important things and eliminate the unimportant. Kid Language.
Why is it important to synergize?
Well, by having synergy, trust, collaboration and ultimately and hopefully co-creation, it helps to create better effects and results. It also can help generate better solutions to problems and achieve the organizational vision and mission.
Why is understanding important?
Understanding and validating someone gives them psychological air to be able to move forward and work through a problem. Once they feels heard and understood, their more inclined to hear your perspective, and then you two have the groundwork from which you can reach a solution.
What is Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood?
Habit 5: seek first to understand, then to be understood focuses on acting within your Circle of Influence — understanding the other person and expressing yourself. Those actions, in turn, can help you effectively influence other people, which can influence situations that impact you, which expands your Circle of Influence.
How to use habit 5?
In order to use habit 5, seek first to understand then to be understood, you must use true empathic listening. True empathic listening stems from a paradigm that includes a genuine desire to understand other people; from that foundation, there are skills you can practice to master empathic listening. The first stage is mimicking, often called ...
What is empathic listening?
Empathic listening is the fifth form of listening; empathic listening goes beyond attentive listening, because you’re not only hearing every word but also listening with an effort to understand the other person’s paradigm. In other words, you’re trying to seek to understand before being understood. When we fail to listen empathically — from ...
How to reach a win/win solution?
We discussed in Habit 4 that an essential step in reaching a Win/Win solution is to try to understand the other person’s perspective and concerns. The key to truly understanding people is empathic listening, which is listening with the intent to see their perspective. Empathetic listening is necessary to work on habit 5: seek first to understand, then to be understood.
What are the keys to effective communication?
The keys to effective communication are in the early Greek philosophy of ethos, pathos, and logos. Understanding the keys to communication will help you seek to understand before being understood, and see examples. Ethos has to do with your character and personal integrity.
When we fail to listen empathically, what happens?
When we fail to listen empathically — from the other person’s perspective — we listen autobiographically, interpreting everything through our own lens and experiences. Autobiographical listening tends to yield one of four responses.
What happens when you seek to understand others?
When you seek to understand others, and begin to act accordingly, two things will likely happen. First, you’ll gain a rapport with them. They will be more likely to talk to you about various things, and you will be more likely to be privy to information that can be helpful to you.
When you seek to understand, you admit that you don't currently understand?
When you seek to understand, you admit that you don’t currently understand. Which means you admit that you are not in possession of all the relevant information. Which means you’re effectively ready to learn it.Boom! Life Learning!
What is the most important habit of the 7?
Seek first to understand, then to be understood. To me, this habit is the most important of the 7, without question. The essence of this habit is a temperament that favors curiosity, open-mindedness, empathy, and patience — all rolled into one. In order to really seek to understand, you cannot have already judged a person or situation.
Why do we speak first?
In many cases, we speak first and speak often because we’re looking for people to understand us. If we seek to understand others first, we’re more likely to listen before we speak. When we do that, we can avoid saying things that on reflection we shouldn’t have.
Who wrote the book "Seek First to Understand"?
Seek First to Understand. The Foundation of Personal and… | by Mike Sturm | Personal Growth | Medium
Why is emotional intelligence important?
Everyone from leaders to up-and-comers are being told just how important it is to be able to read people’s emotions (as well as their own) and react to them appropriately. Doing that effectively will require a disposition to desire to understand how others feel.
How to overcome the tendency to be different from others?
Overcoming our natural tendency to “other” others is pretty straightforward. Instead of focusing on what makes you different from them, focus on what you have in common. As soon as you start seeing the similarities between you and another person, your MPFC will begin lighting up more, and you’ll find yourself increasingly understanding them as fellow human beings.
What is the best way to build interpersonal cohesion?
The thing that really lights up our MPFC is when we’re in close physical proximity to others and interact with them in face-to-face conversations; doing a physical activity together helps build interpersonal cohesion as well.
Why do we think people are different from us?
Why do we do this? Our brains are just wired to react this way when we think that someone seems different from us — either physically or psychologically. The part of our brain that lights up when we engage in theory of mind — called the medial prefrontal cortex (MPFC) — lights up particularly strongly when we’re “reading” the mind of someone close to us (again, either physically or psychologically). Conversely, the more literally or metaphorically distant someone seems, the less the MPFC engages, which results in us thinking that person is less than fully human. When a boss interacts with an employee or an employee interacts with a boss, they recognize a difference between themselves, so both will tend to dehumanize the other, ever so slightly.
How do we dehumanize others?
The most common way we do this is by assuming others’ minds are less sophisticated than our own. For example, Nick’s research has shown that affluent people tend to think that poor people lack self-control, free will, and initiative. On the flipside, poor people have a tendency to believe that rich people are unfeeling, callous, money-grubbing robots. In both cases, each group assumes the minds of the other group aren’t as human as theirs.
Why do we assume that other people perceive the world the same way we do?
Because most of our thoughts are about ourselves and we spend every waking minute marinating in these literally self-centered thoughts, we have a tendency to assume that other people perceive and process the world the same way that we do. We typically don’t consciously realize this until we have a super salient epiphany moment that unveils the fact that someone else thinks in a fundamentally different way. Even once you’ve had such an experience, you still sometimes slip into assuming that other people’s minds are very much like your own. Epley calls this “the lens problem.”
What to say when your wife says her day was fine?
You do so when you ask your wife how her day was and she exasperatedly says “Fine.” You guess that her day actually wasn’t fine, and so respond by saying: “It sounds like you had a rough day. Tell me what happened.”
Why don't we listen to others?
So simple, yet we often don’t do it because we’re overly confident in our ability to understand what others are thinking and what they need. We want to tell, when we really need to listen.
Why are people acting like they can't hear each other?
People are just either not that interested in what you're saying, or they are too focused on their own agenda. It's ridiculous to see two people acting like they can’t really hear each other — by choice.
Who wrote the significance principle?
In "The Significance Principle," authors Les Carter and Jim Underwood posit that we should listen past where the other person has finished. We should even pause before answering. Let them get their point, their story, their compliment, and even their criticism out. Completely.
Is the ability to hear a gift?
The ability to hear is a gift. The willingness to listen is a choice.
Is it better to listen to one person or none?
Two things come to mind. One person truly listening is generally better than none. More important, one person listening generally leads to two people listening. Let’s be honest, if I honor you with my ears, you’ll be more likely to reciprocate. Others learn the habit through our example.
How to understand the fear of God?
Making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding; yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.
What does "a fool takes no pleasure in understanding" mean?
A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.
What does "discretion will watch over you" mean?
Discretion will watch over you, understanding will guard you, delivering you from the way of evil, from men of perverted speech, who forsake the paths of uprightness to walk in the ways of darkness, who rejoice in doing evil and delight in the perverseness of evil, men whose paths are crooked, and who are devious in their ways. ...
How to trust in the Lord?
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
When the Spirit of Truth comes, will he guide you into all the truth?
When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come.
Who restrains his words has knowledge?
Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.
What is the beginning of wisdom?
The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom, and whatever you get, get insight.
Why is it important to recognize different perspectives in conversations?
For me, there's great value in recognizing different perspectives in conversations because these enable us to hear and react to things very differently. One of my close friends often says: "Change how a situation occurs to you, change how you will respond to the situation."
What is the skill of listening?
This skill is about reaching out to people and better understanding their point of view on a specific topic or situation. It is about being truly and authentically curious about hearing and learning more about their perspective.
What is the biggest trap in perspective seeking?
The biggest trap of perspective-seeking is reaching out to people who have the same point of view as you as a way to validate a hard decision you want to make. The richness of using this skill is actually hearing from the people who may have a different point of view than you and discovering potential blind spots or new things to consider.
What is perspective in psychology?
Perspective is the way individuals see the world. It comes from their personal point of view and is shaped by life experiences, values, their current state of mind, the assumptions they bring into a situation, and a whole lot of other things. Reality can be different things.
What is the first skill in human development?
The first key skill is called perspective-taking. One beautiful skill we have as human beings is the capability to take a different perspective. For fun, try this. Close your eyes for a moment, and imagine yourself taking the point of view of one of your employees.
What is Forbes Coaches Council?
Forbes Coaches Council is an invitation-only community for leading business and career coaches. Do I qualify?
When going fast, do leaders often confuse their perspectives with reality?
It just is what it is: the point of view of a single person based on their life experiences and values, among other things.
