How to handle a chronic complainer?
Method 2 Method 2 of 3: Dealing with a Chronic Complainer in the Long Run
- Make an effort not to ignore their complaints completely. This will only encourage them to complain more often and loudly to make their voices heard.
- Ask yourself why this person is complaining with you and not someone else. ...
- Show your positive attitude as an alternative example. ...
- Talk to them openly about their chronic complaining. ...
How to manage chronic complainers?
Strategies for Dealing with Complainers in the Office
- Avoid Trying to Convince Them Things Aren’t That Bad: You’re not going to change their mind. ...
- Be Sympathetic, Then Redirect Them to Action: Acknowledge their concerns. They likely want validation more than solutions, so be sincere. ...
- Again, Don’t Offer Them Solutions: This cannot be stressed enough. ...
Is there a chronic complainer at your work?
These chronic complainers, sometimes, have no idea that their behavior is creating negative ripples in the workplace although it is so apparent that their dream job is whining and grieving. They are constantly buzzing in negativity and leeriness. To fulfil their baffling motives all they need is people who can tirelessly listen to them.
How to comfort someone in chronic pain?
You can do it by:
- Active and honest listening.
- Educating yourself about her illness.
- Helping with daily chores.
- Respecting her physical limitations.
- Being aware of the mental impact.
- Providing emotional support.
- Asking her what she needs help with.
- Accompanying her doctor’s appointments.
- Encouraging healthy eating.
- Encouraging positive thinking.
What makes someone a chronic complainer?
Key points. Chronic complainers do not usually see themselves as negative people, but rather as forever being on the losing end of things. A chronic complainer's perceptions about their hardships are deeply embedded in their personality and sense of identity.
Are chronic complainers toxic?
Now, let's get this straight — complaining is not bad at all, but when you do it constantly, it can turn toxic in more ways than one. That's because complaining signifies that you are not accepting of what's happening in your life. Unfortunately, it carries a very negative energy.
What are the 4 types of complainers?
When customers are dissatisfied with the service you're providing, they will be one of four kinds of complainers: aggressive, expressive, passive or constructive.
How do you identify a chronic complainer?
7 Signs of Chronic ComplainersThey Are Not Surrounded by Positive People. ... They Never Compromise. ... They're Focused on Obstacles. ... They Insist They're Being Realistic. ... They're Perfectionists. ... They'll Make Everything Seem Difficult. ... They're Rarely Truly Happy. ... Don't Try to Convince Them.More items...•
What is the root cause of complaining?
Grumbling and complaining comes from a root of bitterness that is so deep within your core that you are blinded when it creeps up on you.
Is complaining narcissistic?
When things don't go as the narcissist wants, they complain. The complaining can be obvious through mean words and loud voices, or more passive-aggressively through sarcasm and belittling. Either way, the narcissist is trying to protect their fragile senses of self to prevent narcissistic injury.
What personality type complains all the time?
ISTPs tend to complain when there's no productive action to take immediately. ESTPs tend to complain when things get slow or theoretical. ESFPs tend to complain when people aren't getting along. ISFPs tend to complain when they're asked to make decisions for other people.
How toxic is complaining?
When you complain, you increase your levels of cortisol, also known as the stress hormone. Chronically high levels of cortisol can lead to a variety of health problems, including increased risk of depression, digestive problems, sleep issues, higher blood pressure and even increased risk of heart disease.
What does complaining do to the mind?
Research from Stanford University has shown that complaining shrinks the hippocampus—an area of the brain that's critical to problem solving and intelligent thought. Damage to the hippocampus is scary, especially when you consider that it's one of the primary brain areas destroyed by Alzheimer's.
What is the most common type of a complainer?
5 of the Most Common Types of Customer Complaints, and How to Handle ThemThe Meek Customer. The Meek Customer will avoid submitting a complaint because he or she doesn't want to be a pain or believes you don't care. ... The Aggressive Customer. ... The High Roller Customer. ... The Rip-Off Customer. ... The Chronic Complainer Customer.
How do you deal with someone who is always complaining?
How to survive a conversation with a complainerListen and nod.Validate, sympathize, deflect, redirect.Keep advice brief and to the point.If you want to disagree, do it right.Don't ever tell them that things “aren't so bad”Don't ever complain about the complainers (or with them)More items...•
Is complaining an addiction?
A normal amount of complaining is okay because it articulates a problem, gets it out of your head, and clarifies things. But too much complaining is an indulgence and an addiction. It obscures solutions, creates negativity, and is a misuse of your energy.
What is wrong with someone who constantly complains?
Key points. People who complain a lot are struggling with obsessive thoughts that lead them to ruminate, and will have difficulty giving up the habit. Those who feel trapped by another person's complaining need to construct a new, more rational thought process in order to control their response.
How toxic is complaining?
When you complain, you increase your levels of cortisol, also known as the stress hormone. Chronically high levels of cortisol can lead to a variety of health problems, including increased risk of depression, digestive problems, sleep issues, higher blood pressure and even increased risk of heart disease.
What type of personality complains all the time?
There are those who never seem to be satisfied. These are known as chronic complainers. They have a tendency to ruminate on problems and to focus on setbacks over progress. Some research suggests that making a habit of complaining can “re-wire” the brain so that those particular thinking orientations become ingrained.
Is complaining a negative trait?
Constantly complaining can be an easy way to frustrate our confidantes, but there is research that shows it can also be a useful tool in bonding and helping us process emotions like stress and frustration. “In short: Yes, it's good to complain, yes, it's bad to complain, and yes, there's a right way to do it,” Dr.
What is chronic complainer?
Chronic complainers also have a damaging effect on those around them. When people are thinking and reacting in negative and pessimistic ways, without realizing it, they transfer these feelings onto others in a process psychologists call “projective identification.”.
Why Complain?
Complaining isn’t all bad. Occasional venting and expression of negative emotions to a colleague about difficult situations allow us to get our concerns out into the open, and in doing so, lessen possible stress reactions. Repressing our feelings may stop us from naming our problem and getting to the bottom of it. People also complain in order to feel better about themselves. Returning to Peter, perhaps he wanted Lisa’s validation for how unfair or annoying his situation was and to establish some kind of emotional connection.
How does complaining affect the brain?
Research shows that chronic complaining like Peter’s has physiological effects. Through the repetition of bad, sad, mad and powerless feelings, the neurotransmitters in the brain can go through a neural “rewiring,” which reinforces negative thought patterns, making it easier for unhappy thoughts to repeat themselves and leaving little room for the more positive feelings of gratitude, appreciation, and well-being. A continuous cycle of negative thoughts may even cause damage to the hippocampus, the part of the brain used for problem solving and cognitive functioning. Over time, complainers become negativity addicts, attracted to the drama that comes with a complaining attitude.
How to tell Peter to stop complaining?
It’s better to begin by setting clear boundaries. Lisa should tell Peter that she is prepared to listen and to talk, but not to engage in a repetitive conversation. Going over the same thing over and over again isn’t doing either of them a service. She should tell him that while she recognizes that he feels bad, his constant complaining is upsetting everyone in the organization. She should acknowledge that everyone complains at some point, but also point out that most people do so in moderation and that there is a right and a wrong way to complain. Complaining is useful in situations where he thinks that he could affect real and positive change but to complain the way he does is not constructive.
Why does Peter complain so much?
In many cases, chronic complaining starts early in life, as a means of gaining visibility and establishing rapport in the family. These early experiences can become deeply ingrained patterns of behavior, and in Peter’s case, may have become part of his identity. This would explain why he reacts poorly to advice because resolving his problem would take away the reason to complain, threatening his sense of self.
Why do people complain?
Especially within organizations, which can be hotbeds of political games, people use complaining in order to get people’s support. On this interpretation, Peter might have been trying to recruit Lisa to his point of view concerning what he thought was wrong with some of the people in their organization.
Does Peter continue to be absorbed on the downsides of his situation?
Attempts to help chronic complainers often have little or no effect. Most likely, Peter would continue to be absorbed on the downsides of his situation, rather than seek solutions. It’s what makes dealing with these chronic complainers so exasperating.
What does a chronic complainer see?
Most chronic complainers truly see their lives as full of hardship and challenge. (Some people's lives are full of hardship or tragedy, but I refer here to people whose lives are actually not unusual in that regard). Chronic complainers' perceptions about their hardships are deeply embedded in their personality and sense of identity. Therefore, although they tell others about their problems all the time, they are not really looking for advice or solutions.
Why do chronic complainers complain?
Chronic complainers complain to those around them because they seek sympathy and emotional validation. (See instructions about how to provide emotional validation like a champ.) In other words, they want you to validate their experience, to tell them that indeed their glass was chipped, that, yes, they were given tap water rather than bottled water and that, in fact, they should probably get a good night's sleep so they can ward off whatever germs were embedded in that smudge on the rim.
How do chronic complainers respond to sound advice?
Therefore, they often respond to sound advice either by explaining why the suggestions won't work or by becoming upset that the person offering it doesn't understand how unsolvable their problem actually is.
What chapter does the Squeaky Wheel talk about chronic complainers?
I discuss chronic complainers at greater length in my book The Squeaky Wheel (Chapter 4) and perhaps reading those sections would help her recognize her over-complaining. I also discuss how over-complaining can impact the entire family and I illustrate these concerns with a case study which I refer back to in later chapters (the Bell family).
Do chronic complainers see themselves as negative?
Despite how difficult their complaints are for those around them, chronic complainers do not usually see themselves as negative people. Rather they perceive themselves as forever being on the losing end of things, and drawing the short straw on a daily basis.
Is complaining about chronic problems a challenge?
The constant negativity issuing forth from chronic complainers presents a huge challenge for those around them. And nothing makes chronic complainers happier than being more miserable than their friends. Trying to remain positive, motivated, and productive amid a constant stream of complaints and dissatisfaction can try anyone's patience.
Can children grow up with chronic complainers?
I understand your concern--children can be affected by growing up with a chronic complainer. The first step is for your wife to recognize she is indeed a chronic complainer--but that is not an easy step by any means.
When do we complain?
We complain when we feel there is a significant gap between an expectation and reality. Alva Skog / for NBC News
Why did Roman go on a complaint cleanse?
Roman says going on a complaint cleanse taught her the importance of understanding the emotions behind her dissatisfaction. She wasn’t really angry about the traffic or the weather, she explains — she was upset because her business failed.
What is a complaint sandwich?
Winch advises putting your grievance in a “complaint sandwich” — that is, a complaint sandwiched between two positive statements. The first slice should be a positive statement devised to prevent your spouse from getting defensive. The complaint should be simple, Winch says.
Why is complaining about traffic not worth it?
For example, if the traffic made you late, complaining about it is not worth your energy because there isn’t anything you can do about it.
Is complaining a bonding mechanism?
Complaining is also a bonding mechanism , according to the New York City psychologist.
How long should you track a problem?
If no solution has presented itself, my favorite action item is to have them track the problem for four weeks. They'll either realize that the problem doesn't come up nearly as often as they thought (and you'll never hear from them again...and no more complaining from them!) or, they'll come back with piles of excellent data to help you discover a possible solution. Either way, you win.
Is chronic complainer good enough?
Yup. It's the chronic complainer. Nothing's ever good enough for them. They love to focus on problems and ignore solutions. This person might be a customer, an employee, a student, a co-worker, a child, or a spouse. On some days, it seems like it's everyone all at once.
Why is it so hard to deal with chronic complainers?
What makes it so difficult to deal with chronic complainers is how resistant they are to support, cheering-up or advice. Indeed, trying to be helpful in such ways will probably backfire because more often than not, nothing makes a chronic complainer happier than being totally miserable.
How does being around a complainer affect you?
Being around a constant complainer is exhausting and irritating, but it can impact us in subtle ways as well. When someone around us tends to think and react in negative and pessimistic ways we can "catch" their way of thinking without realizing it. For example, one study found that college roommates of people with negative thinking styles became more negative themselves over the course of the year.
Why do complainers react poorly to advice?
That is why they react poorly to advice because resolving the issue would take away public recognition of their 'hardship' and threaten their sense of self.
How to cut a complaining soliloquy short?
Therefore, the quickest way to cut a complaining soliloquy short is to give them what they seek -- express sympathy, validate their feelings and then redirect them back to whatever you were doing (e.g., "Your neighbors had another noisy party? Wow, you have had such bad luck with apartments! You must be super annoyed! That's really hard to shrug off but I hope you can be a trooper because we really need to get this report ready for the meeting.")
Why do chronic complainers complain?
It is their habit that is at play here. Chronic complainers complain because they have made it their habit to do so .
How to deal with chronic complainers?
You have to maintain your senses and never join in the blame game. Rather, never take things the chronic complainers say as personal. You know that they complain because it is their habit. So don’t take it personally.
How to stop a complainer from complaining?
If you use the right words to deflect and redirect the conversation , it can be smooth and quickly close the topic the complainer is complaining about.
Why should you acknowledge and listen to chronic complainers?
Plus, sometimes what chronic complainers exposed may be a real problem that you need to solve. This is why you should acknowledge, listen, and validate the situation before jumping to the conclusion that they are just trying to blame and complain.
How to deal with a complainer who rejects your advice?
Another thing you can do is to ask the complainer how they plan to solve their problems if they reject yours. This way, you will either spark their creativity to solve the problem or simply leave it alone because there is nothing they can do about it.
When all else fails, do you call out the bad habit?
When all else fail, you just need to call out the bad habit and let the chronic complainer knows your view. Yes, you may risk alienating the complainer, but this is much better than allowing him or her to keep nagging you and bring down your life.
What to do when you hate a complainer?
Whatever you do, do not show your hate to the complainer. This is easier said than done, but you have to understand that your purpose is to stop the complainer and move on with life, not to create unnecessary arguments that make the situation worse.