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what is more important wake or funeral

by Dr. Jordyn Bednar V Published 2 years ago Updated 2 years ago
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When You Should Attend Just the Wake or Just the Funeral. Someone wise once said that you should attend the wake if you would like to show support to the survivors. You should attend the funeral if you need to grieve yourself. If you find yourself in both camps, attend both the wake and the funeral.May 15, 2022

Full Answer

What is the difference between a wake and funeral?

A wake, also known as a viewing, visitation or gathering, typically occurs before the funeral takes place. An urn or a casket is typically present, and the casket may be opened or closed. At this time, people pay their respects and offer condolences to loved ones of the departed.

Is it okay to only attend one funeral or wake?

Work with them to figure out a way that you can all attend without your kids being a distraction. If both the wake and funeral require you to travel several hours, it is okay to only attend one service. Most people wouldn’t expect you to make the trip twice.

What happens at a wake?

A wake, also known as a visitation, typically occurs before the funeral takes place. The body is present at this time for people to pay their respects and offer condolences to loved ones of the deceased.

What happens during a traditional funeral or funeral?

During a traditional visitation or wake, it’s customary for the body to be displayed in an open casket. Visitors approach the body to pay their respects and say goodbye. This is considered to be a way to honor the deceased person and to get closure. People can even touch the body if they find this to be comforting.

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Is it OK to go to wake but not funeral?

If you went to the wake and paid your respects and you didn't have a relationship with the deceased, it is perfectly okay not to go to the funeral service.

Is it more important to go to visitation or funeral?

It's typically considered more important to attend the funeral service. Perhaps you'd feel more comfortable only attending the funeral; however, you might like the chance to speak to the family in a more relaxed setting at the visitation. As long as you're kind and respectful, the choice is yours.

What comes first the funeral or wake?

What is a Wake? A wake, also known as a viewing, visitation or gathering, typically occurs before the funeral takes place. An urn or a casket is typically present, and the casket may be opened or closed. At this time, people pay their respects and offer condolences to loved ones of the departed.

What is the significance of a wake?

A wake (sometimes referred to as “calling hours”) is a more unstructured time where friends and family of the deceased come to pay their respects one last time, and in many cases to view the deceased before they are buried.

Is it disrespectful to not go to a funeral?

Choosing whether to attend is at the discretion of each individual, family member. Whatever you choose, know that it isn't disrespectful to not go to a funeral for personal reasons.

When should you not go to a funeral?

As a general rule, if you feel like you want to attend the service and you've been invited, then you should attend. If you didn't know the person who died but you have a relationship with the bereaved—even if only a casual relationship—your attendance can help to make the bereaved feel cared for and supported.

How long should you stay at a wake?

According to the The Funeral Source, it is appropriate for guests to stay at the wake for as little as 15 to 20 minutes. However, you should use your own discretion upon deciding when to leave. If you're close with the family, you may want to stay longer. Offer to help and socialize with the other guests at the wake.

What's difference between wake and funeral?

For example, a wake is a more informal time for visitation and remembrance of the dead, whereas a funeral typically contains structured rituals and is often religious in nature. It's common for a family to have both a wake and a funeral in order to commemorate the death of a loved one.

Do you bring anything to a wake?

An edible gift (think fruit baskets, sandwich plates or baked goods) is always a good thing to bring to a wake, especially if it's held in a private home. Cards can also be brought with you to a private wake.

What do you do during a wake?

Though you won't be asked to keep vigil over the body, most people go to wakes with the express intention of interacting with the deceased. The main intent of the wake beyond comforting the family is to pay your respects to the deceased. You may go up and say a silent prayer. You may say goodbye.

Why are funerals 3 days after death?

Historically, funerals had to take place after just a matter of days, because of decomposition. With today's preservation methods, families have a bit more time to prepare and get affairs in order. This helps families make arrangements, and to pick a day to hold the funeral.

Who goes to a wake?

Wakes and viewings are usually open to all guests, though if the family has not invited you or specified that the event is family-only, you should respect their wishes and not attend. If the body will be present and on view, you may want to prepare yourself emotionally.

How long should you stay at a visitation?

There is no requirement for how long you should stay at a visitation. The length of your visit depends more on how well you know the family and how long it takes to offer your condolences and speak to other visitors. Many people stay a short time, about 15 minutes, which can be long enough to extend your sympathies.

What is the point of a visitation?

The visitation plays a vital role in establishing a support network for those who are grieving. It also provides an opportunity for friends to gather together to pay their respects. In addition, the visitation serves the important purpose of communicating the family's desire for fellowship.

What is proper etiquette for a visitation?

You don't have to be overly formal in your attire. The standard etiquette for a funeral visitation is to arrive early, introduce oneself to the family if necessary, express your sympathies, and then go after a short time.

What is the difference between a viewing and visitation?

A viewing (also called a wake) may be brief and take place immediately before the funeral service, or may last for up to three days before the service. A visitation can take place any time, before or after the funeral service or disposition, and can last for hours or days.

What is a Funeral?

A funeral is a formal ceremony honoring the deceased with a burial or cremation to follow. The container of the body is present during this time, but it’s up to the family whether to keep the casket open or closed. Funerals tend to be more intimate, with friends and family in attendance. A clergyman or celebrant directs the funeral, which may include prayers and/or readings to come after.

Why is the body present at the funeral?

The body is present at this time for people to pay their respects and offer condolences to loved ones of the deceased. Generally speaking, the public is invited to attend the wake, even if there’s no personal relationship with the family.

What to do if you are unsure about attending a funeral?

If you’re unsure whether or not to attend a funeral or wake, you should talk with a friend or family member of the deceased for advice. Ask others for guidance, especially if they understand your situation and can help guide you to the most appropriate decision.

What to do if you can't honor a deceased person?

Instead, offer your condolences with a card, meal or donation in memory of the departed.

What to do when someone dies?

If you feel your presence could be a distraction to those grieving, it may be smart to stay home.

Who directs the funeral?

A clergyman or celebrant directs the funeral, which may include prayers and/or readings to come after. Now that you have a better understanding of the difference between the two, continue reading for five suggestions to help you decide whether or not you should attend a funeral or wake. 1.

Can you show up to support someone who has died?

Even if you may not have known the deceased personally, this doesn’t mean you can’t show up to support others. As a sign of respect for friends and family of the deceased, ask them if your attendance can help them through the grieving process.

What is a Wake?

A wake is a memorial service where the family and friends of the deceased gather to pay tribute to and remember a person who has died. It is usually held several days before the funeral service, although in some cultures, it may occur after the burial.

What is a Funeral?

A funeral service is a formal ceremony commemorating a deceased person’s life. The funeral service may be held at a church, family home, or other location and is usually attended by family and friends. During the funeral, any family member often gives eulogies to remember the deceased, and prayers may be said.

What is a Viewing?

A viewing is a final opportunity for close friends to say goodbye to a deceased loved one. It is typically held in a funeral home or church, and the deceased’s body is usually present, although this is not always the case.

Should I Attend the Wake and the Funeral?

If you are close to the family, you are generally expected to go to both the wake and the funeral. Attending the funeral is usually more vital if you can only participate in one.

Which option is right for you?

The following tips will help one identify the type of memorial service to hold for their loved one:

What Happens at a Funeral?from joincake.com

You probably already know that a funeral is a “ceremony honoring a dead person, typically involving burial or cremation.” The casket may be opened for viewing before the ceremony begins, but it is usually closed during the service itself. If the body was cremated, sometimes the cremains are present.

Why do people visit at funerals?from hollywoodforever.com

Because a visitation is a less formal affair, it makes sense that people attending would be more casual and relaxed. Visitations can also present an opportunity for people who haven’t seen each other in a long time to reconnect and celebrate. They’re also a way for people to ‘blow off steam’ in an environment that is supportive of them. Funerals are often a more formal way to say goodbye to a loved one. There’s not often space for relaxed conversation, and typically are a more quiet or somber affair. That doesn’t mean funerals can’t be joyful or celebratory, however. Quiet reflection and structured services are simply a different kind of celebration of life. For many, the more formal nature of a funeral service provides a more definite closure to the living.

What is appropriate funeral visitation attire?from usurnsonline.com

Answer: It can depend on the region or culture, but generally speaking, the visitation will be a bit less formal than the funeral. Think “church clothes” or even “business casual,” and whatever comes to mind will probably be just right. When in doubt, wear dark!

How to be kind at a funeral?from hollywoodforever.com

Be kind to yourself and others. Don’t judge yourself if you would rather have a more casual and relaxed celebration with friends and skip out on the more formal proceedings. Alternately, don’t pressure yourself to be social. It’s okay to find more solace in the rituals and structures of a planned funeral service.

What is the difference between a visitation and a wake?from usurnsonline.com

Technically and traditionally, the main difference between a visitation and a wake or viewing is that the body is not present at a visitation. Consider the words themselves. A visitation is a visit for family and friends…a special time set aside before the funeral to remember the deceased and visit with one another.

What is the best way to say goodbye to a loved one?from hollywoodforever.com

Funerals are often a more formal way to say goodbye to a loved one. There’s not often space for relaxed conversation, and typically are a more quiet or somber affair. That doesn’t mean funerals can’t be joyful or celebratory, however. Quiet reflection and structured services are simply a different kind of celebration of life.

Where do funerals take place?from hollywoodforever.com

Funerals are typically held at a funeral home. Depending on your preferences, a funeral can take place in a religious space like a chapel or cathedral, or outside near the grave, crypt, or cremation niche that has been chosen as the final resting place. Hollywood Forever Cemetery also offers funerals by our reflecting pool, masonic lodge, ...

What is a wake at a funeral?

A wake is essentially a chance for mourners to come together before the funeral takes place. If that sounds remarkably similar to what the viewing is for, that's because they're essentially the same thing. The difference is that a wake has the Catholic underpinnings of tradition, plus the optional rosary service.

Why is a funeral important?

For the family, a funeral is generally very conducive to a healthy grieving process. When they see how much their loved one meant to other people, it's comforting and helps them say goodbye.

Why is viewing important?

A viewing allows mourners the opportunity to share their grief, support one another, and say goodbye on a personal level. This is also considered an important event for showing your respects to the family.

What is a wake?

A wake is very similar to a viewing, in that it provides mourners with an opportunity to offer their condolences and share their grief in a less-structured environment.

What is a funeral service?

A funeral service is a formal event where loved ones and friends say goodbye to someone who has passed away. A funeral, unlike a wake or viewing, typically involves an actual burial.

What is the atmosphere like at a wake?

When you attend a wake or a viewing, the atmosphere is less formal than that of a funeral. People at a wake or a viewing have the opportunity to talk and extend comfort toward one another with their own expressions of sympathy.

What is a Catholic wake called?

The priest may say prayers (usually the rosary) or recite some scriptures. In this stricter Catholic sense, the wake is called a "rosary."

Why do people have funerals?

This helps survivors who may be experiencing similar grief offer support to one another. It’s important to note that no two funerals are the same, but each is designed to honor the life lived and provide closure for survivors.

What is a Wake?

A wake, also known as a viewing, visitation or gathering , typically occurs before the funeral takes place. An urn or a casket is typically present, and the casket may be opened or closed. At this time, people pay their respects and offer condolences to loved ones of the departed. The public can typically find the time, date and location details of the wake in an obituary, either in the newspaper or online. In the absence of an obituary, guests can contact the family for more information.

What is a Funeral?

A funeral is a ceremony honoring a lost loved one, with a burial or cremation to follow. The ceremony typically takes place within a week of the loss occurring. The casket is placed at the front of the church, funeral home or other gathering place for attendees to view. Although the body is present during this time, it’s up to the family whether to keep the casket open or closed.

What is memorial service?

Similar to a funeral, a memorial service is a ceremony that honors the departed. The only difference being you’ll likely see an urn or photograph of the individual rather than a casket.

Where does a wake take place?

A wake takes place at either a funeral home or church , and normally lasts a few hours. You’ll likely see personalization items like photos or video slideshows, as well as flowers and other appropriate gifts.

Can the public attend a wake?

Generally speaking, the public is invited to attend the wake, even if there’s no personal relationship with the family. In this scenario, it’s polite for attendees to introduce themselves and share their relationship to the loved one with the family. If there is high attendance, guests typically form a line as they wait to speak with the family. Guests can use this time to exchange stories about the departed with one another. If you would like your loved one to be honored in the presence of a caring community, a wake may be right for you.

What is a Wake?

The word wake, when used in reference to the loss of a loved one, simply means a social gathering that happens around the time of a funeral. If the gathering happens before the funeral it is also sometimes called a viewing. A wake can also happen after a funeral, which is sometimes called a reception or a funeral meal.

History of the Funeral Wake

Originally, the word wake was used to describe a prayer vigil that was associated with the patron (named) saint of a parish church.

The Difference Between a Wake and a Funeral

A wake and a funeral are planned simultaneously but are very different. A funeral is a formal service, sometimes in a church, that honors your loved one. It is sometimes, but not always, dictated by the formalities and traditions of religion.

How to Plan a Wake

It’s most often left to family members to decide which events will be held to memorialize a loved one. It’s also a time of heightened emotion and stress, which is why families so often lean on funeral directors and, sometimes, friends, to help make crucial decisions.

What Happens at a Wake

This depends on the wishes of the family, but typically a wake that happens before a funeral might include a time to view the deceased. Often there are plenty of chairs at which to sit, so as people approach the casket to say their goodbyes they can do so in private.

Where to Hold a Wake

Wakes are often held at a funeral home, but that doesn’t mean that they cannot be held anywhere else.

What to Wear to a Wake

While funeral etiquette calls for muted or dark clothing, wearing all black to a wake isn’t necessary. Subdued tones and business attire, rather than casual clothes, are best for a funeral or wake—though a business casual ensemble is also acceptable.

What Time Should You Get to the Funeral?

When planning to attend a funeral, you’ll need to be careful of the clock. This is when it’s most important to be aware of your arrival time. If you show up too early, you could get in the way of preparations. If you arrive too late, you might interrupt the service. Knowing a few things about funeral etiquette will help this process.

What is a wake?

A wake is when friends and family visit the home of the deceased or the family home shortly after the death. In some traditions, wakes are incredibly common. They’re an informal way to pay respects, say goodbyes, and even celebrate the life of the deceased.

What does it mean to have a wake over the weekend?

That means that friends and family are welcome to stop by during the weekend hours to pay their respects. With this type of invitation, you don’t need to worry so much about the best time to arrive.

How to avoid asking the family for a funeral?

Ask a friend: If all else fails, ask someone what time you should arrive. Try to avoid asking the grieving family directly since they’re likely swept up in other tasks planning the funeral. If you know someone else is attending, see what time they plan to arrive.

Is it better to arrive early or late?

Since this time is all about the family, pay close attention to the etiquette above. When in doubt, arrive slightly early. It’s always better to be early than on time or late. As long as you’re proactive about ensuring you’re there at the right time, you’re easing this burden just a little bit for those in need.

Is a wake a formal event?

Unlike a formal funeral or memorial, wakes are much less formal. There are fewer wake etiquette points to be aware of. They’re usually a window of time when you can stop by to be with the family. They rarely are limited to a single meeting or short gap of time.

What is the meaning of "wake" in a funeral?

They usually describe that part of a traditional funeral in which loved ones spend time in the presence of the remains of the deceased person. However, the word “wake” has its roots in older traditions in which friends and loved ones gather in a private home to watch over ...

What is the purpose of a wake?

The primary purpose of a wake is to offer comfort to the family members. In some cases, there may be a formal receiving line for you to walk through to give your respects. Or, in a more informal atmosphere, this may involve simply sitting down with the family and sharing condolences and memories.

Why do people wake up after death?

In contrast to other kinds of post-death rituals, the focus of a wake is on sharing positive memories of the deceased person. This can be valuable in helping mourners move away from the pain of grief and into a more positive frame of mind, remembering interactions that made them feel happy.

Why do people visit the body?

During a traditional visitation or wake, it’s customary for the body to be displayed in an open casket. Visitors approach the body to pay their respects and say goodbye. This is considered to be a way to honor the deceased person and to get closure.

What to wear to a wake?

Men. A suit is always a good choice for men to wear at a wake. Alternatively, you could also wear a sports coat, button-down shirt, tie and dark pants, dark socks and dress shoes. Dark pants with a polo shirt is also a good choice. Wear a belt and avoid flashy or excessive jewelry.

What is a wake?

A wake is a highly individualized ritual. It varies depending on the characteristics and personality of each individual and their family. The community and culture of the place you live also make a difference to the personalization of this unique ritual. However, there are a few universal customs you can depend on.

Where does a funeral viewing take place?

Unlike wakes, a viewing almost always takes place in a funeral home.

What is a wake at a funeral?

A wake is a gathering held before or shortly after a funeral service. It’s a chance for the friends and family of the person who has died to share memories of their loved one and celebrate their life. If you’re thinking of holding a funeral wake, the prospect of planning everything – the venue, food, things for the guests to do – might feel ...

Why do we need entertainment at funerals?

But it can help bring people together to share memories of the person who died. Here are a few ideas:

Why is a wake called a wake?

A wake used to be a way to keep watch over the body of someone who had recently died until it was time for the burial.

What to ask guests to do when someone dies?

One option is to ask guests to take along copies of any photos they have of the person who has died to add to a memory board or book.

How to thank family for death?

Greet the family. Again, this can be as simple as saying “thank you for having me here” – the family of the person who has died will be speaking to a lot of people – but it’s important to express your condolences and show them that you appreciate being included in this event.

What to wear to a wake?

Stick to simple attire. It’s not usually necessary to wear black to a wake, but muted colours and simple, smart clothing are good options (unless you’ve been asked to wear something else by the hosts). Think a dress, or non-denim trousers and a shirt or smart top. Greet the family.

What to bring in a caterer for a funeral?

If you’d like to bring in a caterer, it’s a good idea to shop around and compare a few quotes and reviews before choosing one . Light finger foods and sandwiches are often chosen, and some families like to serve the favourite foods of the person who died.

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